Got to Milan Monday
morning and collected my car from Hertz. I’m not sure I can call it a car!! It
took me from A to B!! Slowly and painfully from A to B! In Portugal we call it
“CANGALLHO”!!! It took ages to get to
100km/hour! When I reached the 110 km/h it started to shake like it was having
an epileptic attack!! God help me if I gone to 120km/h! I can assure you it
would have disintegrated itself in pieces and I would have ended up asking for
a lift!!!!
Along with my super car came my super sat nav,
named NEVER LOST!! Hahahahahahaha! I’m laughing now! Believe me! At some point
I wanted to cry!!!
NEVER LOST did not
recognize any, and I mean ANY of the numbers I had on my addresses! I had
always to find something close (if there was anything close!!) and then drive
up and down the road or around the block for at least 4 times (and this really
happened!) and hope to finally find the right place!!!
NEVER LOST is also needing
some serious updates!!! At some point I couldn’t even found the name of a
street!!!!!!!!! HEEEELLLPPPP!!!! It took me 3 hours to get to a place that
supposedly should only be 1 hour away!! Why???? Because I GOT LOST!!!!!!!!!! My
bloody sat nav, which is named NEVER LOST took me to the wrong city! Same post
code, with the correct street, but wrong city!!!! For God sake! What is wrong
with this sat nav people??? Seriously? Wrong post code???
NEVER LOST also has an
option called “DETOUR” which is suppose to give you an alternative route when
you need one! Well, not this one!! “in 150m turn right”, well I cannot go right!
Road close (no need to say that NEVER LOST does not recognize closed roads!) so
I use DETOUR, “re calculating”.... “in 200 m turn right, and then turn left...
and then when I realized I am back again to the bloody same place! THE ROAD IS
CLOSED!!! I cannot go that way!!! DETOUR again “in 150m turn right”!!! OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! I CANNOT GO THAT
WAY!!! I WANT ANOTHER WAY!!!!!! So again, I don’t know where to go, I keep
coming back to where I started, I AM LOST!!! With my NEVER LOST sat nav!!!
In the end, I started to
get in and out of motorways trying to avoid any possible road construction!
Lucky me, in case of doubt you always follow the sign MILAN!! One way or
another it took me where I needed to be! And believe me it was never in MILAN! J
When I look back to these
four days, I see myself hitting my steering wheel and shouting at a sat nav
that should have never allowed me to get lost! But it did!! Every single day of
my four days in Milan!! Thank God I am in Italy! No one can really see the
difference between me and them!! Latins!!!!
I also see myself trying
to move fast in a bloody car that didn’t move! Milan’s motorways are a jungle!
A metal jungle!! It’s the law of the fastest! And most of the times the
stupidest! Please imagine driving a car that purely does not respond to your
feet!! It starts to shake like a washing machine!! Noisy like a washing
machine!! But at least my washing machine works at 1200rpm!! Faster than my
“CANGALHO”! Trying to overcome trucks, slower drives (if there was any) and
take ages to do this!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Worst than this is to be overcome by
yellow fiat 500, pandas, micras!! The smallest and slowest cars on earth did overtake
me this week!!!!
At some point I just
wanted my car!! If this is possible! I missed my car like I miss my bed when I
am away!!!
Anyhow, this is just one
of the croks adventures!! Thank you NEVER LOST to make this post possible!!
Ready to go home now!!
Love always
Dani @ Milan
xxxxxx
